Love, Lies, and Balance Sheets: Valentine’s Day and Financial Transparency

Love, Lies, and Balance Sheets: Valentine’s Day and Financial Transparency

By Kristen Shearin, JD, CDFA® On 02/09/2026

Valentine’s Day is full of flowers, chocolates, and promises of forever. But behind the roses and candlelight, many couples are quietly avoiding one of the most important conversations in a relationship: money.

Money is one of the leading causes of divorce, yet it’s also one of the topics couples sidestep most often. It’s easier to talk about favorite movies or vacation plans than it is to talk about credit card balances or spending habits. But avoiding financial transparency doesn’t make issues disappear. It just delays the moment when they demand attention, often at the worst possible time.

Over the years, I’ve seen how often couples tell themselves small stories about money that feel manageable in the moment but create real problems later. Love matters, but it doesn’t pay the bills. When one partner avoids budgeting altogether or consistently spends beyond agreed limits, it’s usually not about the math, it’s about discomfort with accountability. Ignoring it early doesn’t make it go away; it makes it harder to address later. Sometimes that “little debt” is a credit card balance that was never fully disclosed. One card turns into several, minimum payments become routine, and the full picture doesn’t surface until divorce forces everything onto the table.

“They’re better with money than I am, so I let then handle it.”
Often one spouse handles all the finances while the other stays in the dark, until they discover missed payments, unexpected balances, or accounts they didn’t know existed. Delegating is one thing. Giving up awareness is another.

These situations don’t mean a relationship is broken. They’re common. But they do signal areas that deserve attention, especially if a relationship begins to unravel.

In divorce, financial blind spots tend to surface quickly. A spouse who never followed a budget may suddenly struggle to explain spending. Undisclosed credit card debt becomes part of the settlement. Reluctance to share statements or account access is no longer a minor irritation, it’s a real obstacle. And when conversations about money consistently end in shutdowns or conflict, it usually points to issues that were never addressed. 

Financial infidelity doesn’t just complicate the emotional side of divorce, it complicates the process itself. Hidden debts, incomplete disclosures, or unclear records can drag out negotiations and lead to outcomes that don’t fully reflect reality. More often than not, it leaves one party feeling blindsided.

The goal isn’t to interrogate your partner or turn your relationship into an audit. It’s to understand the full financial picture early, when options are broader and stress is lower.

That starts with asking questions sooner rather than later. Transparency isn’t intrusive, it’s protective. Reviewing bank statements, credit card balances, and tax returns creates a shared understanding of what exists and what doesn’t. And when things feel unclear or uneven, bringing in a neutral financial professional can help ensure decisions are based on facts rather than assumptions.

Valentine’s Day may celebrate romance, but lasting partnerships, and fair divorces, are built on honesty. Enjoy the flowers. Savor the chocolate. Just don’t ignore the balance sheets while you do.

Disclaimer: This content is for educational purposes only and not specific financial, tax, or legal advice. Divorce situations vary, so you should consult qualified professionals for guidance tailored to your situation. This communication does not create an attorney-client, financial advisor, or other professional relationship nor is it a solicitation to offer professional advice or services. IDFA makes no guarantees about accuracy or completeness of the content and assume no responsibility for errors, omissions, or for actions taken based on this information. Any decisions you make based on this information are your sole responsibility.

Tagged with: Financial Transparency, Marriage and Money, Financial Infidelity, Divorce Planning, Relationship Finance, Valentine's Day

---