How to Find Financial Clarity While Moving Past a Painful Chapter

How to Find Financial Clarity While Moving Past a Painful Chapter

By Marguerita Cheng, CFP, RICP On 03/28/2025

National Ex-Spouse Day, celebrated on April 14 each year, is a day to forgive ex-spouses for past hurts that come with divorce/break up and move on. Instead of bashing the ex, the special day is designed for people to think about the positive impacts from past relationships. The day is for good mental health and achieving personal growth. By thinking of past relationships in a good light, there is a movement of shifting past unresolved anger and finding improved mental health. For ex-couples with children this is beneficial as it fosters the idea that people can move past conflict and find a supportive and peaceful relationship.

Ways to spend the day includes forgiving the ex, finding the positive and good qualities of the significant other, try to form an amicable relationship, seek support through therapy or a support group.

When it comes to moving past financial implications of a breakup, the most important thing to do is focus on the future and leave the past behind.

“Divorce can significantly impact finances, with the financial burden often being greatest in the first year, and many take years to recover financially, with some studies showing that more than one-third haven't fully recovered up to five years after,” according to a report.

It is important to note that the cost to divorce is also a challenge.

According to the Jimenez Law Firm, “When it comes to the cost of divorce, an uncontested divorce will run you an average of $4,100 while the total average cost of divorce is closer to $13,000. When complications arise regarding child support or child custody, that number easily swells to almost $24,000. It is important to note that these are simply averages and that there are many outliers on either side of these averages.”

Here are some tips that can useful is resetting your new financial normal.

Looking at the present: Write down all monthly payments including mortgage or rent payments, loan or credit card repayments, utilities, daily needs such as food, transportation, retirement plans, bank balances, and school tuitions. Start to shift into thinking about what the future will look like. The first reality is a double income is not reducing to a single income home. Create a budget with the new income constraints and look at what you can afford or what you may have to do without until you are on better footing.

Should I stay or should I go?

If you want to stay in the home you shared, you might consider refinancing the home in your name and let the ex-keep a larger share of another asset to be equal. The current home may require investments such as maintenance and replacing items. If you decided to sell your home, see if the house is included in other person’s portion of the divorce settlement. Come up with the estimated realtor’s costs and subtract from the equity portion to be paid to the ex.

Retirement plans: Things can get dicey when dealing with money matters.

“If a plan participant gets divorced, his or her ex-spouse may become entitled to a portion of the participant’s retirement account balance. Depending on the type of plan and the amount of benefits, the ex-spouse may have immediate access to his or her portion of those assets or at some point in the future (usually upon the participant’s retirement or death). Most plans require an ex-spouse to file a Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO) with the plan administrator before the plan can pay any portion of a participant’s retirement plan benefits to that ex-spouse,” according to the IRS.

Retirement accounts such as 401 (k)s or IRA are considered property that can be divided during a divorce. The best way to separate retirement accounts will depend on types of accounts, savings goals as well as the personal and financial circumstances of each party. The most common option for transferring funds from a 401 (k) account is known as qualified domestic relation order or QDRO (court order allowing the transfer and distribution of account funds).

Practice Self-care:

While you took a big step in forgiving your ex, they might feel differently or there is still some resentment and pain. The biggest thing you can do is do some self-care. Practice healthy habits such as eating well and working out. Get enough sleep and do activities that you enjoy. Most importantly seek support from friends, family, therapists and CDFA® professional to help get things on track.

Tagged with: divorce, cdfa, idfa, ex spouse

Blog Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within these blog posts are solely the author’s and do not reflect the opinions and beliefs of the Certitrek, IDFA or its affiliates.