An Apology (and a Moving Box or Two)

An Apology (and a Moving Box or Two)

By Kristen Shearin, JD, CDFA On 12/02/2025

I owe a few of my former clients an apology.

For years, I’ve been a loud and proud proponent of selling the house during a divorce. I’ve said it so often I could probably do it in my sleep: the spouse who stays usually overpays, gives up too much in retirement assets, and ends up struggling with the monthly upkeep. Meanwhile, the clients who sell? They get a clean slate-emotionally, financially, and even geographically.  They usually get going with their new lives faster and they generally do it with a better financial settlement.  

I still believe all of that.

But now, I’m moving out of my own home of twenty years, and—well—I get it now.

The Emotional Rollercoaster I Didn’t See Coming

Over the past few months, I’ve been packing boxes, cleaning out closets, and tripping over 20 years of my life — my kids’ old school drawings, forgotten Christmas ornaments, and the little pencil marks on the wall where we measured their height each year.

And here’s what I’ve learned:

1. This is an emotional rollercoaster.

2. It’s a ton of work.

3. It’s overwhelming.

4. Even my kids (who are in college and don’t even live here anymore!) are upset we’re moving.

I underestimated all of it. Every box feels like a tiny goodbye.

What I Missed (and What I’ll Do Differently)

When I’d sit across from clients and tell them, “You’ll be better off selling,” I meant it — and I still do. Financially, I believe it’s often the smartest move and it removes a lot of obstacles to settlement. But what I didn’t fully grasp was the weight of it — the emotional, physical, and logistical chaos that comes with moving out of a home full of memories and stuff. So much stuff!

I also didn’t always calculate the real cost of moving—the movers, the cleaning crews, the endless “just one more trip” to drop off donations. And it’s almost always one spouse—the one who stayed in the home during the separation—who ends up carrying that load. That’s not fair, and it’s something I’ll be more mindful of.

So, to my former clients who sold their homes when I told them to—I’m sorry. I didn’t fully appreciate how difficult it really is.

My advice isn’t changing — I still think selling the house can be the healthiest financial and emotional choice in a divorce. But my tone is.

Next time, I’ll make sure to:

• Acknowledge the emotional side of moving.

• Negotiate help for the physical work and cleaning.

• Remind my clients that this process isn’t just a transaction — it’s a transition.

Because sometimes, even when something is the right decision on paper, it still hurts in practice.

Closing the Door (Literally and Figuratively)

So, as I tape up the last few boxes and take one final look around, I’ll remind myself — and my clients — that letting go doesn’t mean erasing the past. It means making space for what’s next.

And while I may still champion selling the house… I’ll do it with a softer heart, a gentler voice, and maybe a few extra boxes of tissues.

Tagged with: divorce advice, selling the house, realestate

---