Alimony: A Dual Challenge for Both Spouses

Alimony: A Dual Challenge for Both Spouses

By Carly Golias CFP®, CDFA®, AIF® and Sindy Wylie, CDFA®, CFP®, RICP® On 09/03/2025

Divorce is never just a legal process—it’s a life transition. When spousal support, or alimony, enters the picture, the stakes and emotions run even higher. Both the spouse paying and the spouse receiving face financial uncertainty, fear, and a need for clarity. As divorce professionals, our role is to help both sides move from overwhelm to empowerment with fair, informed, and sustainable solutions.

The Payee Spouse: Building Stability

For a financially dependent spouse, divorce can feel like stepping off a cliff. Asset division alone may not provide security, especially if they have limited earning capacity. Spousal support is not a handout but recognition of their contributions—raising children, managing a household, or supporting a partner’s career—and a bridge toward independence.

Key concerns for the payee spouse:

• Will it be enough? Support must cover housing, healthcare, food, and other essentials.
• Will it last? Payments may be temporary, subject to modification, or end upon
• remarriage.
• Will it be consistent? Late or missed payments can derail financial stability.
• Will I be able to rebuild? Many want more than survival—they want to thrive.

Long-term considerations:

• Career re-entry: Education, retraining, or part-time work may be needed.
• Childcare: Balancing caregiving with financial recovery can be a heavy load.
• Health: Chronic conditions or age can complicate earning potential.

On top of the financial questions, there’s also the emotional impact—fear of insecurity, loss of identity, power imbalances, and even stigma for requesting support. Many simply want fairness and recognition for years of sacrifice.

Tips for payees to regain control:

1. Know your numbers: Create a realistic budget based on support and other income.
2. Secure health insurance: Explore COBRA, marketplace, or Medicaid.
3. Build an emergency fund: Small steps toward 3–6 months of expenses.
4. Explore career options: Look into retraining, part-time, or remote work.
5. Understand taxes: Spousal support may not be taxable to you (for divorces finalized after 2019), but your filing status and “new net income” will look very different.
6. Plan for retirement: Claim eligible retirement benefits and start your own savings.
7. Seek emotional support: Financial planning is vital, but so is therapy, coaching, or support groups.
8. Consider a collaborative divorce: This approach ensures both spouses are heard and supported by a team of professionals.

The Payor Spouse: Fears of “Losing Everything”

For the paying spouse, the concern is often stark: “What will be left for me?” After years or decades of building wealth, they worry that spousal support will strip them of stability, delaying retirement or preventing a fresh start.

Key concerns for the payor spouse:

• Fairness vs. burden: They want to provide support without sacrificing everything they’ve worked for.
• Clarity: They need to know what they are legally obligated to give and for how long.
• Tax impact: Since the 2019 tax law changes, alimony is no longer deductible for payors, making cash flow even tighter. This shifts them into a new financial reality where their “net spendable income” may feel shockingly low.
• Retirement security: Many fear they’ll be unable to save adequately for themselves.

Tips for payors to manage spousal support responsibly:

1. Budget around your new net income: Support obligations plus a new tax bracket and filing status can change everything.
2. Get legal clarity: Work with your attorney and CDFA to understand what is fair, reasonable, and enforceable.
3. Plan retirement carefully: Adjust contributions and long-term expectations based on reduced disposable income.
4. Protect assets where possible: Consider trade-offs in asset division (e.g., retaining retirement accounts in exchange for reduced support).
5. Seek balance: Fairness does not mean financial devastation. Advocate for a settlement that allows both parties to move forward.
6. Use the collaborative process: This can ease conflict and lead to creative solutions that work for both spouses.

The Professional’s Role: Compassion + Strategy

Divorce professionals must balance competing needs. For the payee, alimony is a lifeline. For the payor, it’s a source of fear. Our job is to provide clarity, fairness, and reassurance.

What professionals can do:

• Create budgets & projections: Show both spouses how their post-divorce lives will look.
• Explain taxes clearly: Ensure both sides understand filing status changes, tax brackets, and net income.
• Plan for retirement: Evaluate pensions, retirement accounts, and Social Security.
• Address career paths: Connect clients to retraining or career services.
• Provide legal safeguards: Draft agreements that are enforceable and modifiable if life changes occur.
• Offer emotional resources: Encourage therapy, coaching, or group support to ease the transition.

Final Thought: Collaboration Over Conflict

Spousal support is one of the most emotionally charged issues in divorce. But when handled collaboratively, it doesn’t have to destroy either spouse’s financial future.

For the payee, it’s about dignity, recognition, and stability. For the payor, it’s about fairness, clarity, and sustainability. For professionals, it’s about guiding both with compassion and strategy.

Behind every spreadsheet is a story. Let’s help people move from fear to empowerment—with clarity, confidence, and respect for both sides.

Tagged with: divorce planning, spousal support, CDFA role, financial wellness, divorce financial analysis, alimony challenges, family law finance, divorce support, collaborative divorce

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